Its end

U dont know how broken my heart was.
U dont know how sad and upset my heart was.
U dont know how much i try to hold my tears away.
Eventhough,i never put my hopes high that u will accepting me.i have nothing.i am just nothing.
Its unexpected for me,how sad it was when u've got dumped or what we called it as  'rejected'
Its not your faults,it never hit my mind to blame on you.it seriously not your faults.
From the start.its all mine.its all my faults.
Its me who was without thinking much to start fall in love with you.
Its seriously all my mistakes.
For loving u much.i am sorry.
I know u will never see me as a girl.
Im just a kid.                 
the way u treated me before,
I just realised its all just how a brother treat his little sister.
Its happened that i misunderstood.
Im sorry
How to face you after this?
I didnt have much courage.im too shy.
But i need to pretend like nothing have happened.
I need to move on.
I need to live my life on.
I need to acts as cheerful and happy kid as possible.
I really need to do all of these.
I didnt want to make u feel guilty.
Because it never happen to be ur faults.
How to say it with a word?
That you happpened be my first love.
Seriously,a kind of love that i never ever know it exists before this.
A pure love that i want to keep dear in my heart.
A pure love that i want it clean from all the dirtiness.
Why it happened be with you that i know all the feelings.
The first time that i can be completely myself with a guy.
that i can say something that i never said it to other guy.
But whats the point of it,its happened that its me alone who feel that kind of feeling.
U never once happen to  have the same feels like i do.
U never know that how my heart was like a glass that been broken into a pieces.
U have no idea how big effect you have done to me.
U never know how much that i care about you.
U have no idea how much ive been worried about you.
U never know how i kept put my eyes only on you.
U will never know how much that i want to know about you.your life.your experiences.your happiest and saddest moments in ur life.
U just have no idea.
But seriously.i need to stop all of these.
Its already ended.
My first love story have arrived to its destination.
The destination that light me on to never once to continue my way.
Eventhough,i cant completely said that your name is already deleted on my mind.but i will try my best.work hard on it.
To forget memories with u its kind of hard.
Although you and i never have lot of episode together.
But,from the day that u were talking to me until a day,we spent time together talked comfortably,never once that im forgetting the moments.
Every moment that youve been greet me.talked to me.give a good advice and share your stories with me,gonna be the memories that hard for me forget it.even just a little moments.
Maybe for u.its nothing.its normal.
But from my view of point,its the precious memories that i want put frames in my heart.
Thanks for everything.
For a chance that u gave me ,at least to know how it feel to have something vibrate in your heart.even its me who feels alone.thanks.
Thanks for always been such a good brother to me.a kind of brotherly love that i never once feel with my own brother.
Thanks to give me a chance to know you.
Thanks for all the advices that u gave to me.
Thanks for every little moments that have been created for me.
Thanks for everything.
You will away far from me.
I know the possibilities to ever meet you again is low.
There are no reasons to meet u again after this.
Only my pray is always on you.
That you will be happy for every single thing u do.your happiness is my priority.
Able to see how happy u are.
Able to see how cheerful u are.
Its enough for me
But after this,
I can only pray that u will have happiness
no matter where u are,
No matter with who u are together with.
Im sincerely loving u.
Never once doubt my feels on you.
Im sorry because being too honest.
Im sorry.ive been so silly.clumsy and blur.
Im sorry.ive been confessed to u.
My friend once said.only with confession,
U can feel relieved.u can be honest with ur feelings.
U can be more into a real life.
U can stop all the fantasies thought.
I am sorry to let u know how im feel.
Thats how i am feel.im really sorry.
I am sorry for every single thing that i have done that make u feel burden.
Able to know u,is the precious memories for me.
U is one of a guy that never see me based on my appearance.
eventhough i am fat,ugly and clumsy.
U never once care about it.
Thanks.
I will kept u as a someone that have been important role in my life.
Good bye :')

Note : i feel so relieved after wrote all of these.
In these few day,i dont know to who that i can say what i felt.only to naz,that i can said it.
But it feel different after write it here
Its like i am really talking to somebody.
Im really glad that ive got a blog where i can talk/write everything on my mind.
I am such a person that can be more honest when i am writing.
I am never been a person can talk directly when talks.
But when i am writing.
Its like i let it all out from me.
Eventhough i know,'you' will never ever read this.
But I will pretend that u will read it.