2017-The new Me

 its been awhile to write down something here.

When i read back what i wrote back then,I started wonder is that girl is  me ?

So here is me,few years later..

older and not yet matured,same as before.

I am 22 year old now and I started this blog since very long long time ago.

maybe around high school era. 

There are a lot of stories I need to speak out.

Its just I dont have much time to really write down everything..

I swear, I gonna really start write down something here,maybe more oftenly ?

 Sigh,

Maybe its been awhile,its just hard for me to be someone like i was used to be like before.

Love

Is him going to love me forever?
I do started to love him
But honestly i am scared
If one day comes a day when i will lose him
I honestly dont know when
But i really do started to love him

Confusing

I used to think the way he suddenly barged into my life something like a repetition day of life.
I used to think the way i shared a sense of thoughts kind of similar the way i used to be
But now,his presence really exist in my life
I never expect he can easily got  the permission to easily enter the already messy of my life.
But sometimes,i did wonder,does he really sincere with all the talked he said.
Is he being so real?
Why he's like too sudden to confessed his heart out without even meet me?
Does he done it to make me as a joke or he's serious about the matter?
He never meet me why so confident to confessed how his heart was.
Does he really sincere about that?or he just play a nice role?
I am getting all confused here.
How could he said that with knowing how I am in real life although we never meet up together
With how my appearance and physical of body.
Does he really been truth with what he said?
I am getting confused here.
He really took an effort to show how he want to know me.
At the first,i felt uncomfortable with how easy going he was because its remind me to someone.
And the most awkward moments where for the second time,i talked a lot of personal stories of my life to someone named as guy.I used to be like that to someone as well,but for this time,
I can be myself.completely myself without control the way i behaved.
Its hard for me to be like that to someone especially to a guy.for me,they are just friends.i never even to talked personal stories to them.
But how could i even revealed alot of stories to a guy i dont even know or meet.
Thats completely weird
Its hard for me to be like that especially to a stranger
Slowly,i realised he changed me.
I dont know in which part
But some part of mine are completely like a brand new one.
Why he makes a lot effort for a girl like me who never have any special characteristics nor the perfect face and physical appearance?
I am getting all confused again.
A creepy day,is a day when he finally know the real facts of mine.
How i am not meet his expectation
I could not say i already love him
But i do start to care about him and wonder how is he doing.and its already too much to me because thats the start of it.
And i am getting scared for the future because i am easily fall with someone who care about me,who is always listening my problem,who is always give me an advice /motivation and always be patient with me.
The conclusion is simple,i am scared
I could experience again the second time of broken heart and depression.

;(

Sharifah,kamu jangan nak gedik nak tak sihat harini
Tahan rasa nk termuntah tu
Harini byk hal dan dugaan.
Kite kena tahan dan kuat !!!!
Jangan susahkan org lain bila keadaan mmg sudah sedia susah

Communicative English 3

Stressful betul dengan communicative english sem 5 ni.kiteorg dah biasa dri sem 1,miss ili ajar.kali ni miss oii pula,but she's extremely strict.dah la my group,100% depend on my english skills yg tahap tadika ni.So,bertambah tekanan kite sebab kena jadi wakil tanya soalan kat miss,kena focus apa yg dia ckp,kena buat byk translation,kena terangkan pula pada group mcm mana,dah tu bila diskus,kena buat trans dari malay to english.kena fikir banyak grammar dan spelling.dah la pengetahuan still tak berapa nak banyak.tp boleh la nk ajar group slow2.terang slow2 kt dorang then take note apa cadangan dorang bagi.tapi kadang2 tekanan juga sbb kite pun still bnyk lagi kena belajar.basically,i studied english on my own back then through the subtitles of the drama,english song and english novel.So,masih lagi terkial-kial lagi.

I just wish i can enjoy her class as much i enjoyed previous semester english classes.although,i am not that great but english always been one of my favourite subject since i was form 4 and 5.

Tapi kan,ada juga something yg kite suka kelas dia sbb dia ada ajar penggunaan verb,adverb,adjective and so on.A lot of main point need to be learnt properly because it easier to make a sentences if we know the correct verb.dulu time sekolah,kite hafal semua perkara tu,but as time went,kadang2 terlupa mende tu.tu lah kadang ayat broken dan pelik haha time form 4 dan form 5,ingat lagi kite paling suka buat essay.teacher kiteorg suruh kiteorg buat around 2 essay dalam sehari.so,dulu lah. selalu essay kite selalu kena puji dari teacher yg semua org takuti hehe tp kite suka teacher tu.sbb apa yg dia ajar.semua ada kebaikannya.macam tak semua org suka cara dia suruh kite menyalin itu ini dalam buku.siap ada 5 buku lg.tp each book bertampal2 smpi 4 buah buku haha.kerja kiteorg banyak menyalin nota.dia ajar balik dari asas.guna buku rujukan darjah 6.kite ingat lagi semua tu.dari situ la,kite curious,pastu belajar betul2 on my own kt rumah guna buku tu walaupun ramai kawan bengang sbb keje asik menyalin.tu x lg kerja buat essay setiap minggu.walaupun x la hebat pun tahap fluent tp kite ada peningkatan.macam selalu markah essay kite dan markah novel kite selalu the highest in class.kadang2 tinggi dari geng budak genius hehe.tapi kite lemah soalan objektif hehe tapi sejak dari peristiwa tu lah kite ada skit la confident.tapi ada juga kelemahan,kite x berapa nk fluent dan pronouncation kite kadang2 pelik haha sbb tu la kte xde courage nk communicate dlm english instead enjoy to write more and more hehe

Eh dah panjang lebar dah cerita pasal zaman sekolah dulu.ok,berbalik pada kelas english sem ni,kite harap la kite dpt buat test well sbb ramai ckp miss oii strict sgt to the point she's hardly give student a good marks bcuz she's too detailes even on the smallest error.hahaha senior la ckp.kite kan banyak convo ngn dia,mmg kena speak in english la.dia selalu tgk kite pelik.teruk sgt ke english kite?tapi at least dia faham la tu sbb ada replied haha

So,questionaire kiteorg still ada error.lagi dua je.esok nk check ngn miss.kalau berjalan lancar,sabtu tu boleh g around penang cari mat salleh utk interview.aduyaiii.kite kena prepare la ckp bi ni.haha entah faham ke tak dgn accents ipoh kte ni hah.kalau kite tahu kite bawa je kamus besta adik kite kt penang.dia genius tak mcm kite .

Another life

Dah lamanya kite tak menulis.
Harinikan hari khamis bersamaan 9 july lagi berapa hari je nk hari dimana dilahirkan.rasa cepat je masa berlalu dan kite officially akan jd 20 tahun~
Mcm biasa,hari jadi kite akan berlalu tanpa keistimewaannya..yg berubah hanyalah akan pada umur
tetapi kan,umur kite duapuluh tp perangai kite still sama.x berubah
Mcm budak2 emosi terlebih kuat menangis sensitive..huhu sama je dari dulu sampai
Kalau mcm dulu time sk.at least ada lah rasa special befday tu.tp dah bsr rasa mcm mcm hari biasa je..

Kite kan nak sgt dpt turunkan berat mcm dulu....
Kite nk semangat mcm dulu..semangat yg kental nk kurus.
Tp sekarang kite dah asik hilang semangat je.
Hari yg kite lalui sgt meletihkan
Setiap hari aktiviti yg sama..
Kalau dulu jogging atau berjalan dpt releasekan tension kite.tp kte x bole wt tu dah skang..semua org tk bg kite keluar sorang2.hbs bila kite nk ajak.xde sapa pun sudi teman diri ini.kite pun sering dihalang sbb dulu kaki kite penah semen.so x bole lasak sgt dah huhu
Sedih2..apa je yg bole kite lakukan.
Nak tengok korea pun kdg2 kena perli so kite x amalkan sgt kt sini.
Kite bosan lah.mcm kite
xde aktiviti bg kite ceria.

Duduk rumah sewa mmg lah best.
Tapi hati kite salu ckp duk asrama lebih best.
Mcm kat asrama,kite tak ada roomate.
Kite duduk bilik sorang2.so kite byk wt aktiviti sorang2.tade spe nk hlg..
Kite suka mcm tu.
Dari face dgn terlalu sgt ragam org
Baik kite sorang2

Setiap kali kite dgr lagu nomad-tetap menanti mu kan,kite mesti teringat banyak kenangan sedih kite.
Lagu tu berhantu sgguh.tp kite suka dgr tau.tiap kali kite dgr lagu tu kite igt mcm mana time sem 2 dulu kite suka sgt nanges
First bila abg tu ignore je kite.tak tegur lansung kite.seminggu kite pelik.menangis kite time jog dulu.pastu kite kumpul keberanian tnye.rupanya dia stress dgn final projek dia.
Banyak gila moments bila kite nanges sbb abg tu.
Kat library toilet kite nanges.smpi staff libr dtg ketuk toilet.tgk sapa lah nanges kuat.
Pastu kat pusat belajar lepas jog sorang sbb situ je td org.
Dkt dlm library sorang2 pastu tiba2 lec dtg.tnye ada masalah ke.
Dkt belakang tangga asrama wktu petang.smpi naz pelik bunyi apa lah kuat dgr tangga tu.
Smpi satu ketika.kite masuk bilik shu ngn naz terus menangis teresak2.kt lantai.dorang berdua lena tgh tidur ptg.mamai2 tnye knp.naz plg igt tu lah.
Rasa mcm gedik gila pula asyik menangis sbb org yg sama.yg lansung tak pernah take note kehadiran kite.
Tapi walau dia lukakan kite.kite still aggp dia paling baik yg kite penah jumpa.
Walaupun mcm biasa.kite selalu rindukan dia.kite sekarang dah bole terima.yg kite ngn dia mmg xde jodoh.tp still kenangan tu kite x bole lupa.susah la bila kite dah suka org.kite akn setia smpi bila2.tp kan perasaan tu sedikit demi sikit dah makin hilang.sekarang kite bole dah terima kenyataan.i get more happier when i am able to live my life on without remember him.kite kuat.mesti tu piece of cake je kan.hehe

Susah betul kite ni.kite tak tahu ada ke org yg tahan dgn karenah kite.
Kite hanya boleh terima seseorang lepas kite betul2 kenal.maybe ambil masa setengah tahun hingga kite selesa.kite bkn senang nk rapat ngn org.huhu
Kalau ada org yg betul2 penyabar.kite bersyukur sgt..

Kite kan,tak tahu nak ckp macam mana.
Kite dah berazam dah sem ni.xmau fikir perkara yg memeningkan kepala.kite baru dpt move on sorang,dtg lain pula.tapi kali ini perasaan baru yg ganjil sangat.seperti dulu.banyak perasaan yg pertama kali kite rasa.kali ini pun sama.kite rasa mcm pelik.ganjil dan xtau nk explainkan cmne.kite xdpt nk fikir betul2 dgn fikiran yg fresh sbb tuntutan harian yg full dgn kelas.stress dgn assaignment.kite hargai sangat2 dan kite faham sgt perasaan dilukai mcm mana.tp kite perlukan masa.kite mcm trauma pun ada bila hal mcm ni bangkit.kite tak berani nk hadapi.kite fikir mcm2.deep thinker sgt huhu

Tapi kan.ada ke org yg betul2 ikhlas ngn kite?kebanyakan msti letih layan karenah kite huhu sbb kite sendiri tak faham dgn diri sendiri.

Mcm selalu kite mmg x yakin dgn kemampuan diri sendiri.

Sampai hati

Sampai hati
Dia datang tanpa diduga
Tanpa perlahan dia menyarakkan dirinya

Apa salah kite
Kite yg pada mulanya tak ingin didekati
Namun telah didekati

Apa sahaja yang kite tinggal
Setiap perkara terjadi mengingatkan kite pada ketika dahulu

Hi.harinikan hari selasa hari paling2 meletihkan kite.seharian kite sibuk dgn macam2.pagi tadi.wktu sahur.kite x smpt kot nk sahur.kite sempat gigi roti sikit je.minum air skit.pastu tiba2 dgr azan.terus telan lajulaju.pastu kite terus xleh tidur.bru igt nk tidur lg.pastu kite mandi terus.solat subuh.awal kan kite mandi hehe.

Pastu kan kite stress dgn sistem kiteorg.
Kiteorg ada buat appoinment dgn owner tu kiteorg discuss mcm2 la.makin discuss makin gelap je future kite nampak.tp nampaknya owner tu bg kepercayaan sepenuhnya kt kiteorg.we will try our best.

Uncomfortable

To be too depend on someone
Really make me uncomfortable
I really wish i am not someone who always got help from others
but really i cant help
There are certain things that i am lacking

Frustrated

Kite dah tahu kesudahannya mesti macam ni..susahnya..sedihnya hati.kite tak suka lah.kite runsing.berserabut kepala kite bila fikirkan.sampai bila harus mcm ni..kite kan patut dari mula jangan terjerumuskan diri kite.kite tak reti dah nk berpatah balik.geram pun ada.ya Allah.sabarkanlah hati ini.

Kite tak rasa yang kite patut teruskan lagi.semakin lama kite tenggelamkan diri kite.kite takut sgt..

Sudah terang lagi bersuluh kite memang tiada lagi harapan.

Tapi kenapa perlu wujud dalam hidup kite yang mmg sedia berserabut ni.

Student life

Hi.harinikan banyak perkara kite nak ceritakan.dalam banyak banyak hari.hari isnin lah hari paling meletihkan.dari pagi sampai ke petang.kelas sangatlah pack.subjek2 semester 5 boleh dikatakan mencabar juga lah walaupun 2 subjek je masuk final.tapikan kiteorg banyak projek kena buat.boleh dikatakan semua subjek ada projek.pbt semua tu biasalah wajib ada.subjek puan afni harini tak ada.so kelas start pukul 10.15pagi.tapi nk diceritakan pagi tadi kan.kesian kite sahur sorang2.naz ngn lain semua dah makan awal2 malam tu.kite pula malas nk mkn nasi goreng malam tu hehe kite dah gosok gigi.so bersahur lah keseorangan dalam gelap makan martabak hehe.mamai2 kite makan dlm gelap.dorang yg lain just mnum air je.kite makan martabak.minum air kosong.pastu makan kcolly kite.pastu kite sambung tidur balik.mata mmg x larat dah ni nk buka.pastu alarm bunyi balik pukul 6 solat subuh.kelam kabut kite bgn paksa diri.kite ni bkn boleh sgt layan tidur ni.pastu gerak naz ngn lain2 pulak.sian tgk dorang.mengantuk sgt.pas solat.kite tidur balik.pastu bangun balik pukul 7.30.aiyoyo asik bangun je.tp terpaksalah sbb masa ni je free dpt basuh kain.dalam mamai2 kite masuk la toilet.lama gila kite termenung bwh shower tu.mandi.basuh kain.pstu sidai kain.masa tu dah pukul 8lebih kot.lama juga kite kt toilet.nasib kite je yg dah bgn.kalau x mesti kite rs bersalah sgt2 sbb guna toilet lama.pastu siap2 pakai tudung.tgk jam dah hampir pukul 9.mmg terbatal la hasrat dihati nk terlelap skjap.masa tu aejan ngn syira masing2 dah mandi.naz pula baru bgn dari tidurnya hehe.kite termenung la tgk dorang siap.semua cantik2.terasa kerdil diri ini tgk dorang semua.pastu kul 10 gerak g kelas kot.kelas first kelas en.is.kelas en Is Bolehla.dia sporting dan kelakar.tp maklumlah.dah masuk part history linux tu.adalah naik skitz2 bosan.tp kite try gak fokus.catat ap yg mampu.hehe pastu kelas en.affan.kelas en.affan.dari sem 1 kite cubalah sedaya upaya nk try concentrate.tp kadang2 entahlah maybe cara en.affan ajar x masuk ngn kite kot hehe.pastu g pusat islam.solat zuhur.pastu ada pulak kelas english.walaupun kite minat english sgt2 tp kite still nervous.pressure kot.lagi2 group kite byk bergantung kt kite.kite bkn la hebat sgt.setakat basic tu oke la kut.tp best.mcm2 game competition miss buat.hehe lastly.kelas.cik yana.coding2?maknanya berserabut la otak kite.takpe belajar slow2.kite ni slow learner.mcm budak2.tp kelas cik yana td gabung 3 kelas.celaru kite.byk sgt mulut2 kt dwn tu.hehe.secara ringkasnya.jadual harian sbg pelajar sgtlah pack dan memenatkan.tgk mcm simple tp kena ada usaha skit tuk try faham apa yg diajar.
Skang ni.kite tgh tunggu je wktu berbuka.kite lapar sgt2.pastu kite terfikir nk tulis kt blog.dri tidur.baik kite menaip kan.hehe

Sekrang pukul 7.13.kite undur diri dulu ye.nanti kite rajin.kite update lg.

Ps:kite ni membosankan ke?kite tertanya2 sgt kenapa ?tp xkan la kite nk tnya kan huhu

keraguan

banyak perkara menganggu pemikiran kite.pelbagai perkara yang membuat kite confused.kenapa dalam usaha kite untuk menjauhkan diri dalam perkara melibatkan diri dan perasaan,hadirnya jiwa baru yang cuba mendekati ? kite rasa ragu-ragu ? apakah patut kite cuba berikan peluang ? atau kite harus berusaha keras untuk menutup setiap ruang di hati ? kite takut perkara lepas akan berulang kembali.atau adakah ianya seperti selalu.hanya kite seorang yang rasa perasaan itu.sedangkan sebelah pihak lagi lansung tak punya apa-apa perasaan.sebenarrnya,kite tak rasa akan hadirnya seseorang yang sanggup menerima kite dengan seadanya.dengan banyak keburukan dan kelemahan yang kite ada.kite tak rasa akan ada orang yang sanggup melaluinya dengan kite.kite tak mahu terlalu mengharap seperti dahulu.kite tak mahu terlalu mengikut perasaan seperti dahulu.kite tak mengharapkan apa-apa yang terbaik.kite cuma tidak mahu kecewa.perasaan kecewa adalah perasaan paling kite takuti.dikecewakan adalah perkara terakhir yang kite mahukan.

kite selalu terfikir.teruk sangat ke kite sebagai manusia ? kite mengaku kite bukan lah calon muslimah sejati.kite jauh sekali dari itu.kite berusaha keras untuk cuba jadi seorang islam yang baik walaupun kite tahu kite terlalu jauh untuk sampai ke tahap itu.

tapikan,kite banyak baca.lelaki yang baik adalah untuk perempuan yang baik.

kite tahu kite bukan lah termasuk dalam kategori perempuan yang baik.kadangkala,terlalu banyak hati orang yang kite tanpa sengaja sakiti.mampukah lelaki yang baik dapat membimbing kite ke arah yang lebih baik ? masih adakah seseorang yang penyabar melayan setiap karenah kite ?

kite masih ragu-ragu dalam mencari jawapan untuk soalan yang tiada jawapan

kenangan

sebenarnya banyak perkara kite nak cerita kat blog ni

tapi kite xde masa nak luangkan masa untuk menaip.sekarang ni kan bulan Ramadhan.

first time,start puasa kt penang.kite duduk dekat rumah sewa dengan 12 lagi classmates kite.semua perempuan tau.

semester ni kan,kite tak tahu nak cakap macam mana.kadang2 kite rasa happy.kadang2 kite rasa mcm sorang2.kadang2 kite rasa takut.pelbagai rasa dtg melanda.

kite cuba sedaya upaya tau nak lupakan pelbagai perkara yang menimpa kite.

sepanjang praktikal.kite try utk lupakan.tapi kan kadang2 kite rindu sangat pada kenangan tu.

kadang2 kan kite nak balik kenangan tu dtg balik.kite nak stopkan masa.

tapi kite tahu masa tidak akan berhenti dan kite mesti move on.

sampai bila kite nak berdiri di tempat yg sama.

dari dulu,kite tahu akhirnya akan jd mcm ni.tapi kenapa kite x sedar dari dulu lagi.

kite dah tak mahu berharap apa-apa yang berkaitan dengan hati,cinta dan perasaan.

pengalaman pertama kali sangat menyakitkan dan kite mmg x ingin rasa perasaan itu lagi dah.

tapi kite mmg sedar diri,walaupun mcm mana pun,tak akan ada seseorang pun yang dpt cinta kan kite.x akan ada sorang pun akan ambil berat ttg diri ini.

tak apa.kite dah biasa sorang-sorang.

kite nak improvekan diri.kite nak tunjukkan yang diri kite ni tak lemah.yang x cenggeng.yang tak emotional.kite nak tunjukkan yang kite x mcm apa yg org fikir.

setiap kenangan dulu mmg kenangan terindah sangat bagi kite.

takde yang terindah dari kenangan itu.dan kite akan simpan kenangan tu jd sebahagian dari hidup kite.kite tak akan salahkan kenangan itu sebab kenangan itu lah yang mendewasakan kite.

me

hi ! its been months since the last time i wrote something here.

and here i am..as a semester 5's student.honestly though,

nothing have changed much.pretty much same like previous semesters

i am still sharifah syahira.the one who's always deep thinker,sensitive,emotional and worries and think too much.

semester 5.

there are a lots of project that i need to think about.

there are no times to be like a kid like before.

i am just hoping,i can do my best no matter how hard it will going to be.

if i am willing to do my best.i know at least i can achieve it

i am twenty.i need to open the new book.i need to change to become more mature and know how to handle things like an adults.

although sometimes,i cant help but feel a bit lonely,

but that's sharifah syahira. a girl who is loner.thats how i am.and i know nothing can change me.

penyesalan dan keinginan

lately,as the time goes on,kite rasa sejujurnya penyesalan demi penyesalan beratur dari sudut hati kite

sejujurnya,memang kite dikelilingi dengan manusia di samping kite

family and friends

tetapi kite tak rasa yang kite boleh membuat pengakuan dari diri kite sendiri

kite tahu the more you keep it urself,the more you let yourself down in your emotion

kite faham quote tu

tapi untuk kite apply kite terus ke dalam hati kite

kite rasa betul tak mampu

kite tak tahu macam mana nak jadi mcm dulu

kite rasa sedih

rasa menyesal

rasa kecewa

macam mana kesedihan boleh mengelamkan dan membawa kite ke jalan yang buntu

kite biarkan diri,jiwa dan perasaan kite terawang dalam kesedihan

kite cuba jadi kuat

jadi org lain

tapi kadang-kadang kite terfikir sampai bila kite nak bertopeng kan diri

kite tak jujur dengan kite sendiri

kite cuba 

kite cuba

kite seriously cuba semampu mungkin

tapi kenapa selagi kuat kite cuba

selagi banyak rasa kecewa dan kesedihan menyelebungi diri

kite try on my own 

tapi kadang-kadang perasaan sukar sentiasa ada

kite bukannya seorang yang senang lenang open up apa yang terbuku dalam hati kite

sewenang-wenangnya

tak sesekali

kite berlakon yang apa yang terjadi

lansung tak bagi apa-apa effect dalam hidup kite

tapi sebenarnya perkara itu memberi impak yang besar dalam hidup kite

kite berpura-pura yang hati kite kuat

tapi hati kite rapuh

adakah kite berdosa

kerana tidak senang melihat org tertentu bahagia

sedangkan kite still x menemui kebahagian kite

kite berdosa sgt

sebab memaksa diri kite untuk terjerumuskan diri kite

kalau boleh kite putarkan masa

x de sedetik pun dalam hati kite mahu kembali ke masa itu

ya.itu bila kite menipu diri kite

kite tahu apa yang kite minta dan apa yang kite mahu adalah berbeza

kite hilang punca motivasi

kite hilang melalui kehidupan 

tanpa mengharapkan apa-apa

kenapa ?

sebab semakin bercambah keinginan kite

semakin sedih kite

sebab kite x pernah berjaya untuk mendapatkan apa yang kite inginkan

kite hanya perlukan seseorang je

seseorang yang seikhlas mungkin dapat mendengar apa yang kite pendam

menulis dapat sedikit sebanyak hilangkan apa yang kte rasa

tapi kite perlukan seseorang yg mendengar apa yang kite cakapkan.

penulisan dan percakapan adalah perkara yang ada bezanya

menulis,seakan-akan kite bercakap pada diri kite

kite try yakin kan diri sendiri

tapi kadang-kadang kite menemui jalan buntu

kerana apa yang kite cakapkan pada diri

x mudah untuk kite tunaikan

kite hanya perlukan seseorang yang boleh mendengar kite bercakap

yang seikhlas hati dapat memberi cahaya kepada jalan kite yang buntu

kite ada kawan.family

tapi x seorang pun yang dapat menerangi jalan kehidupan kite yang penuh kegelapan

dari luran.kite sama sahaja dengan perempuan lain yang biasa

tapi dalaman.penuh dengan kandungan misteri dan persoalan yang tak mudah kite rungkaikan

seakan teka-teki yang dah lama kite persoalkan

tapi tidak seorang pun termasuk diri kite berjaya untuk menjawabnya.

maybe org akan ckp kite desperate.

terlalu mengikut emotional dan sensitivity diri sendiri

yes.kite mengaku.

itu diri kite.

kite memang macam nie.

org selalu bertanya.

tapi x seorang pun yang sama-sama membantu.

those precious times

those times,

honestly,why I am not able to move on, move forward to another day.

those times was the happiest times for me 

and the moments when I could be the person who I was, back then.

how could i describe it with a word

when those moments was the precious moments of myself that couldnt even be compared with other else.

its like from the last part of the moments itself, the time has been stopped automatically.

i kept wondering,

but the solution is never meet with expectation 

i kept wondering,

how to make all those moment at the time,disappear on my mind.

him

a part of myself,

often popped out the thoughts of why ?

but the answer of the question itself,

never once meet the expection of mind on my brain.

half of myself,

sometimes,

the inner side of me,

often worked hard on something.

something i will never defeated it no matter how hard I tried.

am i such a loser then ?

am i such a greedy then ?

out of curiousity,

my mind will keep wondering around 

back and forth

until those moment will comes with an answer

but

the part of me,

knowledge the facts of myself

I am scared with my own expectation.

is it the answer itself could contain with the small wishes and hopes 

is it the answer itself could make the happier part of me 

popped out just like it used to be.

 make an appearance naturally on my mind.

just exactly same like those moments.

until the last,

the idea of reversing times

so that

 those moments will kept besides me

be a part of me

the hopeless of me

couldnt do anything to remove it,those times 

because those times used to be in my heart

surely,

unknowingly,those moments silently will remains 

be a half part of me.

a person I am now

able to walk on

but never can let out all the past

able to smile on

but the sincerely smile will never looked like how it used to be.

simply,honestly,sincerely

a completely of myself 

have been missing those times 

that precious moments

the me who's able to walk on but never able to move on.

thats it

thats how I am now.

#the more nonsense i wrote,the more sincerely it comes from my heart#

human being

its maybe an habit of me,oftenly to be overthinking and overanalising about something

if only I use this habis of mine for the good uses like maybe when studying hehe

few days ago,Ive been thinking all over again.

u know,when i am thinking over something emotionally and sensitively,

it really give a great impact throughout all the day.

is it just me or everyone else also have a moments when they started to thinking back what they had done and instantly feel regret for whatever decisions they came with.

I am honestly though,

I am not really expert to express how I am feel nor know how to came up a good explanation towards other.Most of the times,when people took my action or what i said wrongly and misunderstood the way how I was behaved,surely upseting feels make a way all over me but sometimes,i have an urge to not explaning everything  and just out all the feels.

heal the hearts

*cough* *cough* 

*korean's fans mood*

ehemmm..maybe a bit a little off topic,but anyway,i am gonna to introduce my favourite korean drama early 2015...

H E A L E R

should i say,that in the beginning,i am never expected that this drama can so freaking great 

great casts,great partners,great acting skill,great directed.

overall,its great !! its been a while since i got a dilemma how to move on to another drama.

haha..really.at the first,i was never want to watch any korean drama since i am bit too obsessed with the babies in Superman Returns *Song Triplets*

who are seriously any human being can ignored this perfect 4 combination of father and sons.

seriously.song triplets gave me a lot of impact and let out from a me to be an noona lover.

ok.thats it.healer totally make me turn away a bit from those baby and seriously ive been  keep re-watched all over again the healer episodes.

you know its been awhile since the last time,i am spazzing like this crazy haha..

so far,the list of my obsession in early in 2015 :

- healer 

-ji chang wook

-park min young

-song triplets *song daehan*

*itazura na kiss 1 & 2

and the weirdest thing,i am kind of neglect of my forever bias towards snsd seohyun.

haha dun worry unnie,i am still your number 1 fans

but since you just finished your musical,you deserved a well rest for the time being.

you've been worked hard !

introducing,my recent favourite actor haha 

the lead actor from healer.

honestly though,its rare for me to be a fans of a male actor,

but since the first episode of this drama,whether i looked at him,

automatically,i will kept smiling haha 

u know.its automatic when i hardly saw in his previous drama,

but on healer,he instantly shoot over me 

when he was being an healer,

wow,he's really amazing.

but the cutest on him when he was being bong sookie hahaha

his another person.hahaah

but the real of junghoo keep stolen my heart.thats the real of him

the combination of healer + park bong soo = seo jung hoo

thats how i started to fall in love with this ji chang wook guy haha

he was totally cutie on running man though ..

who can keep still when this adorable guy kept popping up on my laptop.

and this freaking hot guy as well hahahaa

through this drama,park min young always caught my attention as well.

her character on drama totally cute and adorable yet not typically an heroine in korean drama.

she's mentally brave and stick to her gut although she herself had the trauma when she was kid.

what i like about park min young through all her video/interview from the youtube.

she's really easy going and she's smiling a lot.thats key point.

its rare to see any korean actress can be as free as her.u know the way she laughs

its really looks like its come from her heart and not faking her personality.

she's honest and smart as well.

say horray for this freaking cute and adorable otp !! :D hahaa

end of korean drama topic 

:)

its you

Memories of meeting you are like a dream that is a lie

I will still be here, waiting for you

I can’t move because my heart is trembling

When you look at me

Why can’t I say anything?

When I have so much to say?

The moment you turn around

Why does it feel so far?

Why do tears suddenly spill?

I love you, I only have you

I have nothing else but you

Though I can’t reach you

Though I can’t hug you

Though I cry by myself, it’s alright

I will always be looking at you, it’s you

You, the fate of meeting you

When did it become fate for me?

I can’t even go back to the times before I loved you

That’s how much I’m falling into you

I love you, I only have you

I have nothing else but you

Though I can’t reach you

Though I can’t hug you

Though I cry by myself, it’s alright

I will always be looking at you, it’s you

A person I long for till my heart bruises

It’s you

I love you, look back at me

I have nothing else but you

Though I can’t have you

Though I can’t say it

I love you like this

I will always be looking at you, it’s you

----------------------------------------------------

its been 2 months already.

i kept listening to this song.the meaning of the lyrics its too deep and i can feel the emotion and sincerity of the song.

*the same song in the background music of this blog*

not as great as others

good morning.as soon as I woke up earlier this morning,I just opened up the blog and tada ! yeay.more upgraded ! totally brand new theme.u know,its not often of me got the mood to do that.haha. also blogwalking to other blog as well,look around here and there and saw a lot of blogger nowadays take an order for editing the blog..so impressive,at the same time, can get the pocket money too.few days ago,i got a lot of question all over again,asking me how to edit their blog.some of my friend totally have no idea how to editing their blog.u know,since it need to be done as our politeknik required us their industrial training's student to make a blog instead of usual last report using the microsft word.maybe i am a bit luckier since I am a blogger and got few basic about the blog,but not all people same right?its fine though since they needed help from me and i dont think i need to ask for the money since i helped them sincerely.maybe they should feel a bit appreciate though instead of complaining and whining all over again.ok enough of that topic.

actually,I think right now,its the right time for me to start practicing of my english.u know,I am not that fluent and good in english but at least I want to start to write more in english since it will help improving my grammar skills.the main reason is simple.since right now,i am working as practical student and not as a student,my english skills becomes more limited.i try my best to speak and write more often in english though.u know,if i am not keep practising like this,I am sure the time i am back to be a student,my mind will totally blank since i am a person who easily forgetting. so keep bear with me if my grammar and english writing skills are not as good as others.I have a dream.after a lot of thinking,i am consider furthering study in degree level.of couse after i am finishing my diploma first.since to futher study in degree level required student to get a muet,so i should work hard from now on.aja aja fighting !!!